A few days ago, at our local joint, I overheard some of my friends both male and female friends gossiping ( to mean gossiping cuts across both genders….wild laughter!). Having known them, like a good fly on the wall, I stayed rooted in my spot just across the table, trying so hard to figure out just who was at the end of their complaints. Geez, this lady (whoever she was) drove them nuts! Apparently, she was too loud, too nosey and too peculiar to put up with. The more they talked about her, the more familiar she became to me, but still, I had no solid clue about who she was until they started talking about her boyfriend. From what they said I knew he was in the same profession just like me. And coincidences being coincidences, she was a renowned writer, too ( am not saying am known, am here to expose my stupidity but hey, a girl can dream right). Who was this woman? Lasadamati!!…..She is, one of them! THE NERVE! She is their drinking buddy, go to kind of a girl when boyz need a plan (form ya weekend) but how did she become the person of their dislike to this extent? Her lying tendencies they murmured. ( I’m not Pontius Pilate to judge her but am sure she has her own reasons for doing it, am just here for a good time bruh!) I have always known people can be fake but this was extra. My heart dropped to my feet when it dawned on me “friends” can really be two-faced.
No matter how old you are, false friends can put deep scars on your heart and big dents in your confidence. I have known this for as long as I have tried to make a friend or two, but each time I face it, I feel a sting. While psychologists report that it is only natural to feel hurt when we are wronged, I still feel stupid for getting wronged! It isn’t easy forging any relationship, it hurts so bad when you think you have a friend that you really don’t have. It doesn’t really matter if it is natural to have a sorrowful connection, lousy friends are just plain lousy people.
I value the small circle of friends in my life who are my closest friends, and I make a concerted effort to be a good friend to them. Having amazing watus and becoming the kind of friend myself that I would like to have in others takes a lot of time, energy and commitment. It has taken years to realize exactly what I need in a friendship, how I want to relate to my friends, and how I want to feel when I’m around them. In the past, I wasn’t keen nor intentional about my friendships. I focused more on trying to make myself fit into the friendship rather than finding friends who were a good match for me. When you find yourself in such a situation you will spend more effort trying to fit a square table in a round hole.
Age and emotional maturity have helped me learn how to be a better friend (still learning) and a better “friend picker.” Even so, I’ve learned so much from all of my friendships, including those that were difficult or ended badly. I’m grateful for all of them because they have enhanced my life and taught me valuable lessons.
Often times, it’s hard to discern a real friend from a fake friend, toxic, manipulative, or merely apathetic. It takes some time and life experience with a friend to learn whether or not they share your same friendship values. Just give carefully when you give your friendship to others, and if they let you down just know that person was not a real friend in the honest sense of friendship.
Everyone has their own lives and struggles too, so when it come to your expectations of them, please let them be realistic. Some friends are casual, others are deep-rooted in your heart and most are somewhat lukewarm. So their level of concern about you is different.
It’s normal to want a friend. Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship.
On a personal account…
……………………..to be continued.